we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
