bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
