Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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