I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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