you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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