Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
True strength comes from lack of pants
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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