I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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