she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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