I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
