YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
