when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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