Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
