I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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