someone get that fucking seahorse.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
