I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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