Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
