Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
