I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
