dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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