so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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