there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
