She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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