you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Your cock deserves a montage
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
