I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
