just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He passed out mid-signature
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
