WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
