Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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