So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
