You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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