Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize