why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.