When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
