Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
