when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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