Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
