I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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