she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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