Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
