ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
