I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
