JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
