Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
