drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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