i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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