don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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