I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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