finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The feeling are messing with the penis
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
