I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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