...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
