The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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