I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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