She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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