Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
