Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
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Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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