Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
