Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize