Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
