My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I want to be your penis for a week.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
