i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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