I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
