NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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