My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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